Who Am I Am Who?

i lie tired and sick
i exaggerate my illness for sympathy
i enjoy my own pain and hope the worst for me
i am funny and sad
i am loud and sensitive
i am crude and i can't sleep
i think of love and death and art, nothing in particular, nothing and everything
i see such love and lust and desire and think only of myself
i do not like myself but i can't think of anyone better
i am a living breathing swearing sweating shitting fucking beautiful contradiction
i am the one who will see you for who you really are and i still love you gladly, for
i desire above all else to be loved too
i am worse than you will ever be, but
i am too selfish to part without you by my side, for
i do not wish to be alone
i do not wish to eat alone
i do not wish to eat well
i do not wish to eat at all
i do not wish to look away from your inadequacies
i do not wish to look away from mine
i do not wish to look at all
i do not wish to snort cocaine, but
i do not wish to live in pain
i do not wish to stop this now, but
i do wish my mind a peaceful slumber
i can afford that.